Excuses, Excuses

Hello blogosphere!

I know, it's been a long time now, but I haven't forgotten you. Actually, my mind has just been a bit pre-occupied lately with various issues that are creating a blockage to my bloginess. I'm not going to get in to it all now, not because it's a secret, but just because it's boring. Not to worry though - like any sensible girl, I deal with stress and anxiety in the healthiest way I know how: by throwing irrational temper tantrums that are "officially" completely unrelated to the issue at hand.

Some of my highest points;

-Threw a fit at Justin and stormed out of the house, officially because I lost my 5$ sunglasses. (Found them two days later)
-Threw a fit at Justin, officially because a fax I sent didn't go through on the first try (Justin sent it for me later, attempting to put out fires I assume. He made tacos that day too.)
-Cried at the bank after my wallet was stolen and the teller said it would take three days to get a new bank card. (Got the card on the spot. And a cup of tea. But I can never go back to my neighbourhood branch again.)
-Told a man on the street to fuck off because he was ogling and saying "waiguoren waiguoren waiguoren" (foreigner foreigner foreigner). (On hindsight realized he was probably a crazy person, since he showed no reaction whatsoever to being stopped in his tracks and shouted at by a stranger.)

I'll leave it at that, but suffice it to say that these were only the tip of the iceberg.

In any case, all of this culminated with a trip to my happy place - Taipei - and I feel much better now. I know, Shanghai sounds so much cooler to all of you back in The Western World. It's true, Shanghai has charming architecture, an art scene, museums, and even trees.

But let me ask you this, Western World: did Architecture ever give you the keys to her apartment, buy you coffee, make you breakfast, and listen to all of your problems? Did Museums ever take you out dancing until sunrise on a whim? Did a Tree ever sell you 6$ dresses, 10$ shoes, and all the curly-hair products your heart desired? I'd like to leave Art out of the equation, since Art does give out free booze sometimes... but Art doesn't serve that free booze with Ethan's homemade lasagna and an extra large helping of Angela's wise words (so what if this sage advice is rooted in some cracked out theory about reptilian aliens and a planetary shift to another dimension?)

Yes, there is a bigger music scene here in Shanghai. But the audience needs to learn to have a little more fun. The city is prettier. But it would be prettier still if people didn't pee on it so often, or push you all over it, or drive on the sidewalk and then honk at pedestrians. And of course, we have the Expo now, which is all very exciting, and has given city officials a push to fix things up a bit. Oh, and by the way, by "fix things up" I mean build tall white walls to block the slummy areas from view, and shut down my friendly street meat vendors, and make throngs of people wait in line to get on the subway so that our purses can go through a security check.

Anyways. That's all about that. I have it from a reliable source that my negativity will only feed the aliens who thrive on human despair, thus preventing me from moving in to the next dimension with all the smiley happy people. (Just trust me on this one, okay?) So, from now on, positive vibrations only. Or bottling, at the very least.

On that note, I would like to introduce my upcoming series, entitled "Toilets Around The World." If I know my audience, and I think I do, toilet stories should be right up your alley. Plus the series format will allow me to write a whole slew of posts without ever having to come up with a new idea. Because I really have used a lot of toilets, all over the world. And excretion unites us all.

So get ready to get toilety blogosphere...

p.s. don't worry, it won't be gross. at least not that gross.