Monday, May 31, 2010

Your Skort Is My Business

Attention all skort and diaper-pant wearers:

Quit wearing skorts and diaper pants. Just because they are available in stores, that does not mean they aren't hideous. Make no mistake - they are hideous.

Just to be clear:

The skort is a loose pair of shorts that disguises itself as a skirt. Think DJ Tanner on her first day of junior high, after Aunt Becky teaches her how to not dress like a whore. The diaper pant fits snugly from knee to ankle but is inexplicably full and drapey from waist to crotch, begetting a mental image of a large pig in high heels, although in actuality the look is more reminiscent of MC Hammer. In a giant diaper.

Has everyone suddenly forgotten that we make fun of these people? Or have I just gotten so old that it doesn't matter who I make fun of anymore? Perhaps the trend-setting cohort is too young to remember the Mistakes of Fashion Past; their cheeks do not redden at the thought of jeans worn backwards a la Chris Cross, and have therefore doomed history to repeat itself. Perhaps we need some kind of memorial sight, lest we forget the likes of shoulder pads, poofy bangs, and body suits.

Skort and diaper pant aficionados, your choices affect me. They create a roller coaster ride of a shopping trip when every "hm, that's a cute skirt" turns in to "blap! another stupid fucking skort!" as soon as you pull it off the rack. This scenario is why I can't just say, "whatever floats your boat", and write the issue off as a matter of personal taste. YOUR skort is MY business. Stop supporting the manufacturers and they will stop appearing on the racks. Have some consideration for people with taste who just want to go shopping without being ambushed by surreptitiously shrouded ghastliness. 

Thank you.


  1. I agree. The 80s were bad enough the first time around, although I admit to absolutely loving my purple and black Hammer pants.

  2. Your mother just rushed your gift back to the store

  3. i actually tried on a denim shorts onesie at winners the other day.